Crunch Time in the Software Profession

There was a stint in my career, approximately 5 years ago, when I was working 80-85 hours a week for several months. That wasn’t the only crunch I experienced, but it was about the worst. I’m reminded of it now because I’ve been in a smaller one for the last week or so and it will continue for another week or so. Certainly, this is not the worst of times, but it is an interesting reminder of how things can get when you’re a software developer.

Of course, there is fatigue — it’s hard to get enough quantity and quality of sleep when the stress is this high. And, of course, there is the sense that you’ve unplugged from the rest of your life. This is not unlike keeping a bunch of plates spinning on poles; I’m getting comfortable with letting a few of those plates come crashing down. In fact, I almost feel justified in letting all my other roles and responsibilities suffer for this great cause. Is it such a great cause? Are we changing the world with our product? Are we saving lives or at least bringing great relief from suffering? Is it worth the personal costs — the toll on one’s health, the added burden on the family, the not-being-there at meal times with your family?

Such questions are first-order. They come from the raw emotion of the experience, exacerbated by the lack of sleep (and, commensurately, the reduction of natural inhibitions about even thinking let alone expressing such thoughts). But this higher-order thought remains as a backdrop for all of these efforts and unsustainably narrow focus: this job pays the bills (and then some); it makes possible the roof over head, the food on the table (even if you’re not there 2% of the time to enjoy it with your family), the money for new clothes, birthdays, and family vacations. It also pays for part of your child’s college experience. 98% of the time, this is a fun job, full of opportunity to learn, to teach, and to create and show style. And, the stress from a job that occasionally demands longer hours, while different, is much lower than the stress of not having a job. In this industry, it is often in one of these two extremes that we exist; it is hard to find a gig that is steady, meets the needs, and doesn’t demand a little extra time now and then. They didn’t teach me that in school, but I’ve learned it and relearned it a few times now. I could choose to do something else, but I choose to stay with this.

There is also the tendency in me (and others, I’ve observed) to play the “blame game”. How did we get to this point? Was it someone’s stupidity, inattention to detail, blind ambition? These questions, too, are only superficially pacifying. We want to be angry — to lash out — and it is far easier to be angry at someone else than to be angry at oneself, but I have a choice. I always have a choice.

Dwelling on these questions is a bit like wallowing in sorrow and self-pity. I’m venting here — perhaps collectively for everyone who goes through this — and I do feel better for having expressed my frustration. But, as experience has taught, this, too, shall pass. In a few weeks, the smile will more readily appear. In a few months, the details of the short-term pain will be fuzzy. In a few years, the experience will be safely tucked into the vault of life’s experiences.

For now, I choose to keep a long-range perspective (which is excellent) and will attempt (with the exception of this rant) to handle this experience with grace and humor — just as my new friend and manager is showing through his example.